Fear of Flying
I’ve never travelled internationally before. Initially, I had been getting increasingly excited about visiting Portland and Victoria. Now, however, I’m getting scared. Intensely scared.
Only fix days to go until I depart for the States, and the realisation of just how unprepared I am is setting in. And the stress and worry and other fears is overwhelming.
I’m scared of not meeting peoples expectations. I’m scared of something going horribly wrong with my flights, and being stuck in a foregin country without a clue. I’m terrified of the thought of possibly facing harsher prejudice than I do here.
Try as I might to quell my fears, they only seem to grow stronger. I don’t know how I’m going to do this.
I am genuinely scared…
Stuck
You may or may not know this about me, but I’m a Christian. Presently, however, I’ve found myself in a love-hate relationship with God that I’m unable to break.
A while ago, I was struggling with other issues, when suddenly Psalm 139 started popping up everywhere, and one person had prayed it over me. That’s when everything started to go more down hill…
There’s this one verse that is the cause of my relationship trouble with God. Psalm 139:13 reads “For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb.” (NIV)
I won’t go into more personal details of my life, but basically I wasn’t put together the way I should’ve been, and for a verse like that to say that God did this to me hurts. It truly, deeply hurts. And now I hate God for how He put me together with a passion.
Yet, I still go to church; I still worship Him and sing His praises. Perhaps I don’t mean it as much as I had been, but it’s not a complete separation from God. Admittedly, I haven’t read my Bible since, but I still talk to God and try to pray for other issues in my life, and other people and their situations.
I have noticed a lot of things going wrong lately though. A coincidence? Or is this the flak I get for hating God?